thoughts and updates

16:47:36 28/02/25: bitches be mad? let them. if taking care of yourself and setting boundaries is a breaking point just let them

01:16:59 26/02/25: i wonder how my man W. is doing, haven't seen broski in a long time. togheter we were literally tyler durden haha. i miss it sometimes lol. stuff was easier back then

23:49:29 25/02/25: my mom just called me to say that my dad is coming to visit me on thursday i told her no because it doesn’t work for me they're still too toxic for me and i remember the things he said about me, she got irritated and hung up. i'm not doing anything wrong just respecting myself

both my parents are immature. my dad don't know what feelings are, he is literally numb to anything besides "happiness" and anger is as emotionally developed as a 14 year old, at least that's what my mother says anyway. he has a hard time understanding of generational trauma. he always makes fun of me especially when i say that i am the way i am because of them

my mum literally had me when she was 19 and don't know anything about herself. she has always kinda has blamed me for taking her youth/life away, and i get it, she's basically been socially isolated for the last 23 years with a person who never actually fully respected her, and two kids... but honey, i'm literally just a creation of you two, you could've chosen different paths. and although you are scared to be alone, independent, and yourself, i think you absolutely deserve it. live for yourself it's your life. xx

in a strange way i see a lot of myself in my mum. both are lost, both don't really know how to be on their own, both are expressive (of emotions lol). i hope she someday recognises all that.

anyway these are the song for today: souls of mischief - 93 til infinity. evanescense - bring me to life. bobbi humphrey - new york times. mf doom - high john. aphex twin - s950tx16wasr10 [163.97][earth portal mix]. the goats - ¿do the dogs dug?. madonna - erotica. radiohead - in limbo. cocteau twins know - who you are at every age

03:01:04 25/02/25: hey.. just came home after meeting 9 different people tonight. now stoned eating pesto cheese prosciutto sandwich listening to good music on the stereo staring at my lava lamp. and i thought today was going to be boring

is justice just? i have free will- i can do what i want to

goodnight xx

00:55:48 25/02/25: just went on a breather walk with A. seems like i'm not the only one who wish to be 18 again. am i gonna be 40 tomorrow? one day my parents are gonna die- and so will i.

00:21:54 23/02/25: roygbiv - boards of canada

23:43:39 23/02/25: ho a tree can live up to 4.800 years, can you? anyway go watch downtown on mtv

14:44:04 23/02/25: i’ve always wondered why i am the way i am. throughout my life people have often made me feel dumb for understanding things and facing obstacles differently. while others are focused on buying stocks, i’m out there touching moss

it feels like i constantly have to explain myself and my motives so people don’t get the wrong impression like it happens automatically. sometimes i try to resist but then people start acting weird

why do i feel this disconnect from the outside world? it almost feels like i’m the one on the outside and the only way in is through the chimney. but on the other side, why would i want to be trapped inside this house with just a chimney pretending i’m okay with that? bitch this is literally MY life. gab xx

12:50:21 23/02/25: my town is a dump. it's considered a big city where I live, but in reality it wouldn’t even come close to the top 100 cities in europe. geographically it’s actually quite pretty—almost really beautiful—but it’s cold and gray for most of the year. people here are reserved, arrogant, and judgmental, often carrying a superiority complex. the local population reminds me of that scene in I, Robot where all the robots stand perfectly in line. They believe they’re the best at everything while rejecting anything that doesn’t fit their rigid norms (and there’s nothing normal about those norms). I feel so stuck here..

18:02:38 22/02/25: got high, then bought a lava lamp now eating spicy satay peanut noodles

17:09:07 22/02/25: fuck porn addiction

16:00:48 22/02/25: i'm genuinely disgusted by how men have treated and still are treating women. why is someone treating you in a subhuman way? the worst thing is that these women do acknowledge the problem, but not as part of a whole-ass bigger problem. that's why you see them running after those boys after they've been shown even a little bit of compassion. how fucking hard is it to not let white corrupted men have the power? babes you're a literal goddess and he is a balding rat wtfdym he's talking nasty about you or even tried to hit you?? they need someone to hit them harder.

05:36:08 22/02/25: since an early age i have always thought of myself as the only true person and all other life is fabricated or even that my own life is not real, kinda in a truman show kinda way.

when i look at a waterfall i think of violently happy by björk bitch do u even know who sensuality is?

anyway i just smoked a fatt spliff and i'm going to bed

15:12:42 21/02/25: the guestbook is ready so go and fucking sign yourself

00:03:33 21/02/25: my friend El. is a whore xx

22:34:36 20/02/25: we're online whores x as you may see (or not idfc) this page also accommodates a photo gallery, isn't that just fucking bonkers??. can't fucking wait to post more. gab xx